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Old 02-25-2010, 01:20 AM
WriteNow WriteNow is offline
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Okay, so I've gone over you treatment a few times and here's what I think-

It's not really a treatment. On other words, it woud be very difficult to make a film or write a screenplay from what you have here. It was more enjoyable to read than most treatments, though, because it wasn't stuffy and rigid. It read more like a short story, though, which is problematic, for example-

you wrote:

"Is that why they were all brought to the bed and breakfast? Was this planned. If so, why?"

It's not a good idea generally to ask questions of your audience when you have no answer (your treatment audience, that is- not your movie audience, if that makes sense). You are supposed to tell them them what happens, not have them fill in the blanks.

Your IDEA is certainly interesting. And your presentation of the idea is attention-grabbing. It's just not treatment format. Which, I realize, is rather loose. But go look at Zorro, or E.T. 2 here on the site. No pictures, no frills. Just words on paper. That's all you need. The images will be in your reader's head from your wonderfully descriptive prose.

The idea is cool, though. But it's problematic. Most of those actors are getting too old for those parts. And also, writing a script or treatment that relies on certain actors in key roles is only going to limit your chances of selling it. Are you thinking maybe other actors could play the iconic roles? The pictures on the front page would lead me to believe you'd want the original stars.

Check out the guide to writing a treatment here, and some sample treatments and rewrite your idea to fit into the established format. (Who knows, though- you're decorated style could be what makes it leap off the page to the eyes of some exec and get greenlighted. But I would play it safe, personally.) You are obviously creative and put a lot of effort into the presentation of your story- but try and get all that across with just words. Boring, plain old words. Proofread a bit more carefully as well. And shoot for at least ten pages. Minus the pictures and big scene headers yours would probably only fit three. Most treatment writing guides will say 6-8 pages but for me ten is good number because it clearly lays out your story but not to the point where you are writing dialogue exchanges or opening credit sequences becuase you have so much room. Yes, I'm "breaking" a "rule", bur it's your call. I like ten for a two hour movie, which is what I usually write. 6-8 is fine for 90 minutes. And its not a hard and fast rule. My friend sold a ONE PAGE treatment for a fairly large sum. (He worked it out to $85 a word.) Also, scenes aren't usually listed on a treatment, except maybe key scenes. For one thing, most movies have 30-60 scenes. Yours only has ten, so it would be hard to flesh out into a screenplay.

Thanks again for the submission, I had a lot of fun reading it. It certainly would make a unique film! The actor's salaries alone would cost more than Avatar!

Keep the submissions coming, though. And I hope I've been of some help. Let me know if you have any questions. And no, I don't know everything (or think I do), but I am speaking from experience and am also looking out for people who are in the same position I was years ago. I know how tough it can be-
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Last edited by WriteNow; 02-27-2010 at 06:39 PM.
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